You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize