Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
