i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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