Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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