Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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