All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
