I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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