hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
