we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
