wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
