i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
