So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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