i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're too hungover to prance.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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