I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
