So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
