I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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