update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
