Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.