I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.