when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him