I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.