I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT