Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.