when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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