he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
