hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
