He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
