Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
as a side note pls kill me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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