the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
