All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
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IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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