The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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