I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize