I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
