The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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