Will you blow on my dice?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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