I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
