I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
