my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
