I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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