Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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