I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We just shotgunned beers for America
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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