just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was born a porn star she said
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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