There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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