I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
