In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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