The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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