So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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