actually, I'm a sock model
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
as a side note pls kill me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
