There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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