I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
