you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
