ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
