my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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