i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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