hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
