and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
