is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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