She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
