just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
