It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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