I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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