Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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