She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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