I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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