I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
